“We are not given a good life or a bad life, we are given a life
and it’s up to us to make it good or bad.”
~ Ward Foley
It is always so fascinating to me how a day can dawn with nary a hint of what is about to revealed to us by the hidden invitations wrapped up in our upcoming experiences. I have long ago learned that the gift of the unknown is the inherent request to learn about ourselves and, if we allow it, grow into a more expansive and emotionally elegant version of ourselves. I like that about life!
It was a Sunday morning and I remember waking up with the clear intention of another compelling and catalytic conversation with a dear gal-pal over a hot mocha. It’s Seattle after all, and everything seems to flow better when discussed over a cuppa java.
With a destination pre-planned, I arrived early only to find every table at our chosen location filled. In discussing our options, I am still surprised at how insistent I was to meet at a specific location up the street. In hindsight, things sometimes seem pre-ordained as a soulful nudge forward and this was certainly one of those times.
As we sat in our “Plan B” coffee shop steeped in lively conversation, I felt a subtle energetic invitation to look up … only to see a former partner from a long-term relationship standing in line to order coffee with his special someone by his side
At first I wasn’t sure it was “him” because of the number of years that have passed since we last saw each other. But once it was clear it was him, I began to do the internal emotional dance that caused my heart to pound, my mouth to go dry and my hands to turn clammy as my friend chatted away unaware of what was happening to me. You know the feeling – the one where we go deaf, dumb, blind and basically brain dead in a nano-second as our past ignites our present.
Emotions are like that; they are the mirror of our unresolved wounds, patterned beliefs and unconscious old internal dialog. However, our emotions are also rich invitations to mature our thinking, update our philosophies and the relevant principles we live by.
As a professional life coach, I am always well aware of the difference and the invitation to grow. I lean in, even it takes time and mighty effort.
So as I sat there, desperately trying to stay engaged in the conversation in front of me, I found myself discreetly and almost unconsciously moving the ring I was wearing on my right hand over to my left wedding ring finger. I say ‘almost unconsciously’ because, truth be told, there was a part of me that was sitting in the seat of the observer watching myself and knowing full well what was fueling that very action.
The age old priming and limiting belief that drove the transfer was rooted in a longstanding conviction that I am more – more worthy, more desirable and certainly more valuable as a woman – if I ‘belong’ to someone in a wedded relationship … with a ring that proves it.
My ancient thought pattern reared up reminding me that I used to solely define my significance and worth by being in a relationship. I was shocked because that dated outside-in habit of thought is no longer a resonant truth for me, nor is it in alignment with who I am now and how I move as a conscious and empowered woman in the world today.
So as I witnessed the old wound and obsolete belief, I consciously chose me, as I am now.
And as quickly as I moved the ring to my left hand, the current me in all my awareness and glory, returned the ring to my right hand with a smile and a silent blessing for myself.
I reaffirmed my truth; I AM ENOUGH in the conscious elevated choices I make for myself on an ongoing basis. I now truly know this and trust it.
And then, in truth and transparency, I had the loveliest and most life-affirming conversation with my dear friend as I revealed myself in this vulnerable moment. We talked about being and bringing the full measure of ourselves to ourselves, first and foremost, and then to all appropriate relationships that we are ready for in desire and choice rather than in fear and need.
We laughed about how the Universe always has our back and points us in the very direction of our spiritual growth and liberation – whether we think we’re ready or not. We could have chosen any other coffee house, any other day, any other time and yet here I was for a very specific and soulfully cathartic reason and she was with me as a witness. I was, and still am, awed and grateful.
Oh! And “him”? Just a gracious smile and soulful thank you as I left, over an hour later, in full acknowledgement that while he was the catalyst to a transformative heart-based awareness, this one was really all for me!
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