“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
~ Maya Angelou, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
REALLY? How can I be here? I am so tired of it all, of this storyline, of the equal measures of my impatience and resistance, the self-judgement and harsh thoughts, the lack of measurable results.
I have been here before. More often than I care to recount. I could hear my inner taskmaster hammering me for it all, “Where are the completed checkmarks on your to-do list, where is the weight loss, the decluttered house, the improved, deepened relationship, the finished coursework for the online program you’re taking, the updated business plan and refreshed website, and your latest article – well past its deadline. You can’t get anything done. You inept loser.”
I drew myself up, inhaled deeply and fully, threw back my shoulders and roared at my inner taskmaster. ENOUGH. Enough. This old familiar storyline is done. I’m scrapping it. It no longer serves me. At some point, I am sure it did, by protecting an ancient hurt or fear buried deeply in my psyche. I thanked it for its years of service and released it.
It is interesting to note that It has been followed by some of the most effortlessly productive, creative, ease-filled days I can remember. I feel light and airy.
Is Your Story True?
How many storylines do you hang on to tenaciously, like a dog’s jaw locked around a pull toy? What would happen if you just let go? Dropped the storyline? It is truly that simple, and yet we resist, sometimes even going to our grave locked fiercely in a story that we needn’t own. My diabetic father clung to a story that life could only be fun and fulfilling if he ate and drank whatever he wanted. It was awful to watch his body fall apart and fail as his storyline killed him.
Some people are quick learners. I am not. I am stubborn. I like a good fight, until of course I realize that my opponent is ME. I have spent the last few years learning how to recognize my stories, and learning how to muster the courage and self-worth to let them go. Some goodbyes are easy. Some are slow, lingering and more painful, like a lover that you know needs to go but you’re going to miss. My life gets more peaceful, joyful and fulfilling each time I loosen the grip on another one and say farewell.
Some of my favorite tools have been yoga, meditation, affirmations, and journaling. I am more conscious of how I choose to spend each moment, knowing that I am responsible for those choices. I make time for what I hold dear. I’m cultivating communication with my soul, learning how to hear and trust it and do what it asks, even if it seems crazy.
Most importantly, I am learning that I am truly the author of my life. I get to write new stories. I am the heroine now instead of the victim. I create my own endings.
What old stories can you release? What new story starts today?
Visit Barb at www.joyfuleats.com